My Actifit Report Card: February 5 2025

Two Months in Darkness: How I Survived Depression

I hesitated for a long time before writing this post. Maybe because I didn’t know how to find the right words, or maybe because I was afraid of sinking back into the emptiness that consumed me for the past two months. But today, I feel ready to share.

Two months ago, I found myself in darkness. Not in the literal sense, but in the worst kind—the kind that fills you from the inside and drains every last bit of strength. I didn’t want anything anymore. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to think about the future. I didn’t even want to exist.

The War Took Away My Motivation

We all cope with pain differently. Some cry, some scream, some get angry. I just felt nothing. I stared at the ceiling and felt completely empty. The world was falling apart, but I was like a zombie. There was no hope inside me, no desire to move forward.

I know many people would say, “You’re strong, you’ll get through this.” But the truth is, even the strongest people can break. And I broke. The war took away not just my sense of security, but also my belief in tomorrow. Each new day felt like a meaningless repetition of the last.

The Only Reason I Got Out of Bed

If it weren’t for my daughter, I don’t know how long I would have stayed in that state. She was the only reason I forced myself to get out of bed. A little person who needed me. Who needed to be fed, to go for walks, to play.

I fed her, took her outside, smiled when she laughed. But inside, everything still felt gray. It seemed like I wasn’t living my own life—I was just fulfilling my duties.

How I Started to Come Back to Life

I can’t say there was one specific moment when everything changed. But one day, I caught myself thinking, “What if I stay like this forever?” That thought scared me. Not for myself, but for my daughter.

I realized that she deserves a happy, joyful mother. And if I didn’t start fighting for myself, would I ever be able to become that again?

I started small. Every day, I tried to do at least something. I listened to music, read articles about blockchain, talked to friends—even when I didn’t feel like it. Step by step, I was trying to feel alive again.

What I Learned After These Two Months

First, depression is not weakness. It’s not “laziness” or “lack of willpower.” It’s a state that can happen to anyone, especially when your world is falling apart.

Second, even when it feels like there’s no way out, there is. Even if the way out is just taking one step—no matter how small.

And third, support from loved ones is incredibly important. Even if you don’t feel like talking, even if it seems like no one will understand—there is always someone who is willing to just listen.

Moving Forward

I won’t say that I’m completely out of this state. I’m still learning how to feel life again, how to dream and set goals. But now I know for sure—I won’t stop.

If you are going through something similar right now, please know that you are not alone. And even if it feels like there’s only darkness ahead, believe me, the light will come. The most important thing is to keep looking for it, step by step.

This report was published via Actifit app (Android | iOS). Check out the original version here on actifit.io

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