Shoulders Back -- Working with Myself or Just Posturing?

The battle towards a straight posture has been a long and not oft easy one for me. It started a few years back, when I discovered Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules for Life, and adopted them as a sort of unofficial bible. One of the most famous rules in his book is,

Stand up straight with your shoulders back.

Well, do you?

How many people do you know who do? It's a sad modern fact that a large group of people walks around hunched, with a sick back and sick posture.

Honestly, this one sounds easy, but it's been one of the hardest for me to incorporate. And for a long time, I had no idea why. I put it down, like most people, to hunching over my phone, spending too much time on my laptop, and just poor genetics, I guess. It was only when I started delving into the psyche that I started guessing there might be a deeper layer to all this poor posture business.

Realizing why I slouch hit me like a brick in the face.

Cringy as it sounds to type, I developed early. I was easily the tallest in most of my classes and peer groups. By second grade, I was about as tall as my mom is (now). By the next year, I'd surpassed her, and with her, most of the boys in my class. And when you're 10 and trying to fit in, that is desperately uncool.

I remember I was in fifth grade, in my first year at a new school, and an older kid teased me by calling me Lurch (as in the Addams Family). Nowadays, it'd be a comparison I'd love, but at the time, as a self-conscious new kid, I wasn't exactly thrilled.

When I started hunching forward, it wasn't intentional. It wasn't even acknowledged. In fact, it's been a fairly novel realization, now, in my 20s, that that may be a strong reason for my poor posture. As a kid, I was desperate not to stick out, so I tried to make myself smaller.

Growing up, it became less about fitting in with the entire class, and more of a femininity thing. I've always been somewhat masculine, both in behavior and in appearance. It's all that yang in me (and now, I'm cool with that, but again, at 12, not so much). For my last birthday, my best friend sent me this lovely wall of text, and in it, she reminisced about envying me, when we were 12, for being so tall. It was such a shock, reading that. Not in a million years would I guess anyone would envy that.

For clarity, I'm about 5 ft 9 (or 176 cm in metric). I dunno what it's like where you are. You get women taller than that here, but it's not that often. It's still a "isn't she tall" kinda double take. Apparently, the female average height in Romania is 164 cm, so about 5 ft 4.

Another reason I realized I was slouching was, who woulda guessed, trauma. I learned kinda late that our posture actually reflects so much of our inner world. And that it's common for people with some type of trauma (which is pretty much everybody) to slouch forward. It's defensive. You are defending the core, aka the heart, from hurt. That blew my mind.

I started to be more aware of people's posture, and was astounded to realize most of the people I pass by are slouching. The other day, I noticed this woman on the bus with lovely facial features, nice hair and whatnot, but who slouched horribly. It hit me how much her slouching took away from her appearance. And how easy it is to make yourself unattractive by slouching. Obviously, you're not doing it consciously.

But to be fair, it's such a wide-known thing that many of us should be doing something about it. I was shopping with a girlfriend the other day, and she suddenly straightened up. I asked you alright? And she says sure, just trying to get a better posture.

Sadly, you don't get it by forcing yourself to stand straight for three minutes. I used to be that person. I'd remember, and then be all stiff and breathless for five minutes as I struggled with a difficult, unpleasant position. I always slouched back down. But that's because it's not just about remembering to do it.

A lot of computer time really does leave our body weak and unhealthy. Particularly our back muscles, so healthy posture starts with working the back muscles. And that's another thing, really. The mentality you have towards working out. So much of our sweat-time is oriented towards getting a nicer butt, fuller chest, toned abs (or for men, I suppose, arms, legs, and back ~ you guys are lucky 'cause the back is a focus for you, maybe). But we see it as making a nicer appearance.

I used to, at least.

This morning, I was quite excited. There's a breeze. Finally. Which meant a heavier workout. I knew I wanted to do back, because I'd done it before and liked how I felt. Liked how I walked, too, with my shoulders nice and back. Not feeling a million years old. But the mentality, the excitement, came almost as if I was going out to buy a present for a loved one. I wasn't working out to look hot. I was building towards feeling better tomorrow, and cliche as it sounds, it kicked like a motherfu*ker.

Don't think it's that easy.

I don't think the exercises alone are where it's at, though. I think a lot of walking straighter comes from opening up cans you'd left forgotten. Trauma work. Looking into your head, seeing what's kicking. That Lurch memory embarrassed me a long time. In ways I hadn't even realized.

Dancing. I love to dance, but I don't got the best rhythm, and when you're this high up, people kinda notice if you're being all weird. So I was always a little self-conscious about how I dance, and as you can imagine, that takes from the enjoyment.

Not anymore, though. Or at least, not today. It comes and goes, I guess. but right now, I love how tall I am. I love sticking out. Keeping my shoulders back. And I love dancing. Incidentally, I'm going to a show in a few hours, this alt rock band that makes me wanna dance like nobody's business.

Tell you what, I'm gonna.

What's your relationship with height? Whichever the answer is, I hope you dance and feel free today. And tomorrow.