Between life and death: February 18 2024
If hell could open its door wide, right in front of us, I’m not sure if it could serve us a better entrance than the one we had this past week. My head is still spinning, anxiety at peak 24/7 and my thought processes ever so slow…
It’s been tough, but I do wanna talk about it. Because repressing all these nightmares only brings more anxiety in the future and that’s one thing I don’t want more of in my life 🙃 Maybe I won’t bore you with ALL the details. Maybe I’ll sit down and write more on my main account, but at least a few things I need to get off my chest right now.
I talked about a bitter sweet reconciliation with my brother with whom I haven’t talked to for over 3 years. Partly to save money, partly to make up after all those years, we decided to travel to the funeral together by car and also with his partner and daughter.
As a result we spend 4 maybe 5 times more… who knows 🤷🏻♀️ Simply because the journey wasn’t so smooth. We crashed the car in the middle of Germany, soon after midnight. Literally a few hours after I posted my last actifit report.
We had it towed to the nearby carpark for a hefty price that would already cover both of our plane tickets.
Then we had to spend hours on the phone to various insurance companies (as if 1 could not deal with everything), only to find out we had to deal with everything on our own anyway. We had to also sleep in the crashed car, bother our dad to leave home a day earlier (him and mum were also coming to the funeral) and drive extra 500km to pick us up and come up with a broken car story, which would be easier to digest for all the funeral attendants than the actual crash.
On the bright side (cause the bright side was there too), we did arrive at the funeral in one piece. The weather was beautiful that day and it was a beautiful funeral attended by many people from close and further family, as well as friends, neighbours, colleagues and a representation from Polish army, saluting my uncle on his last journey.
I’m at the airport now, coming back home and the tears are rolling on my cheeks as I type this. Best to leave the rest of the story for another day. Despite the tough times it was an active ‘holiday’. I made sure to drag either auntie or mum for a walk. Physical activity is by far the only sure way I found to deal with stressful situations and it’s available for pretty much everyone.
My mum moaned and resisted the walk, but she also moaned she doesn’t feel well. I told her she won’t feel better by laying on the sofa, smoking and watching tv… eventually she gave in and went for that walk with me. The weather was perfect and I think both of us came back home in slightly higher spirits after 5km + walk in the sun.
Now to fly back home…
Until next walk 💙
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Height157 kg |  | Weight72 kg |  | Body Fat% |  |
Waistcm |  | Thighscm |  | Chestcm |  |
Oh dear, so sorry to hear that... glad you are ok despite all. And I really hope now in this (Pisces) time all will be better, I wish🙏
I say that because for me these last weeks were also horrible this month has something weird, in my opinion there is too much (badly concentrated) energy which boost the anxiety and weird dreams or nightmares, or which drags us back to the dark bottom of the well, internal struggle... Anyway, again it's sad your holidays are like this but it's good you all walk under the sun, good energy is welcome. Big hug dear sis!
!LUV
!ALIVE
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I couldn’t agree more, hun! There is something really tricky in the air and while last year it was mainly hard mentally to cope with the many losses and health issues, this year I lost interest in participating in life and turns out life has very weird and scary ways of grabbing my attention. On top of this all I’m also quitting smoking 😂 !LOLZ
At times it feels like I’m watching myself in this situation from above and shaking my head in disbelief… just how much more can one person go through at any given time before a fatal breakdown comes 🤷🏻♀️
Not sure, but I’m still here sis and it’s been the weirdest year of my life I must say.
!ALIVE
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"How much more can one person go through at any given time before a fatal breakdown comes" (same feeling these last weeks weird things happened all together...).
But listen you are strong, and as always all will pass and another lesson or level completed (check✅). It's good at least to have those perceptions in order to understand a little better although still weird and unbelievable really... but let's be stubborn and overcome those weird whatever it is now. Our energy is much better (and cool) jajaja😅
I send you my best wishes and good vibes 🙏
!LOLZ
!ALIVE
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I am glad that you and your family are safe. I am so sorry that you are going all of the sad and heavy moments in life. Writing helps that's all I can say... Please take care of yourself and your family...
Thank you for your kind words. Yes, so good that at least our accident ended well’ish or else there could be 5 funerals instead of 1. I’m still in a bit of a shock. Finally arrived back home and I should sleep, but not quite sleepy yet.
It’s been one, long and weird year and although technically 2023 is over, it feels more like my birth year, as it all started just before my bday last spring. I wonder what else can possibly happen before my next bday 😂😱🤢
!ALIVE
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Dear Monika! I am so sorry to hear about your uncle. And I am so sorry about the accident, but glad that you are okay. It's been weeks since we've talked, I've started the year very busy and haven't been online as much as usual. Was the accident in your car? What a days you have had, I hope you are calmer now. Take care of yourself. Big hugs 🤗
Only just arrived home from the airport. My brother’s friend picked me up to take me to my brother’s car where my car was, but on the way there his car also stopped and we thought it broke down too, but luckily we just run out of fuel cause his fuel indicator is broken. I seriously started wondering if I’m cursed or something 😂
It was my brother’s car that was crashed. We already know it will be scrapped, as it’s beyond economical repair.
Not sure if I’m calmer, but I’m pretty tired and only less than 5h of sleep left before I need to go to work. I’m defo still partly in shock though. Will write more after I have a good rest. Thanks for stopping by Eli 💙
!ALIVE
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Sometimes we have those days when we think we have been put under a gypsy curse or something like that, but fortunately, that passes and things get back on track.
I'm sorry your brother's car was lost, but you are alive and not hurt.
I hope you were able to rest 🤗
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Please accept my condolences regarding your uncle. Be glad that he's in a better place, and be glad that, as demonstrated at the funeral and burial, he lives on in the memory of many people whose lives he touches. There are people who won't even get last respects from family.
As for the gates of hell opening, they all lead to the same place no matter how we describe hell. It could be how the ancients described it, or the cultures of Africa and the pre-Columbian Americas, or the 20th Century horrors inflicted on humanity in the form of wars and political repression, or the legal and bureaucratic banalities and insanities relayed to us by Franz Kafka.
It's always an ordeal to deal with travel-related problems, especially if they were "this|close" to death. I'm glad you and everyone else making the trip to honor your late uncle are safe from a situation which could have ended even worse. With no ideas on how to deal with it, all I can suggest is to take things moment by moment and to deal with the emotions and feeling as they arrive.
Please accept this slice of !PIZZA for momentary comfort food, a bit of !LUV, and some !LOLZ because these are the times we can use them the most.
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Ouch! So much to handle and you did a great job handling it all so well. Persuading Mum for a walk in the sun was an amazing move. My sincerest condolences. !hug !luv
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This ought to be a mistake. I’ve not posted for quite a while 😉